Learning the hard way
by kimmycat
Summary: Roy Mustang suspects that Riza Hawkeye is up to something - little does he know he is about to be more embarassed than he ever has in his life.


Roy Mustang sat down for lunch at the same time everyday in the same place with the same people. In the Military Headquarters cafeteria at exactly 12:05 P.M. Always joining him were Riza Hawkeye, Maes Hughes, Jean Havoc, Farman, Bradley, Cain and (not that he was invited) Alex Louis Armstrong. However today something was different, and he didn't mean the new set of pictures Hughes was showing off.  
  
"Has anyone seen Hawkeye today?" He asked. Everyone looked up, only just noticing that she wasn't there joining them like she always did. They sat in silence staring at one another.   
  
"Actually I did see her today. She was coming down the hall and Black Hayate was following her but..." Havoc paused for a moment, "She seemed furious about something."  
  
"That's unusual. Hawkeye always keeps her temper." Hughes observed.  
  
"Do not worry! I, Alex Louis Armstrong, will find her and bring her here myself so we may all have lunch together." Everyone stared at him.  
  
"No, I don't think that will be necessary." Roy replied.  
  
"Hey look, there she is." Bradley replied pointing at the front of the cafeteria.  
  
"What the hell is she doing?" Havoc asked. They all watched as she but down a bag and then took up a microphone. While speaking in it she seemed annoyed, the way she did when Roy would stall and avoid signing papers, but she seemed to be keeping her temper as always.  
  
"Attention everyone. It has come to my attention that CERTAIN male members of the military have been sneaking their laundry in with mine for quite some time now." Everyone at the table looked at each other innocently, the way children do when they have done something wrong and are tried to evade being found out.  
  
"Therefore," She continued, "I would like to give them back their clothes and hope that they don't do it again. So lets begin." Many people sitting there, eating their lunch now looked horrified.  
  
"First we have boxers with um... Hughes, its obvious these are yours." Hughes proudly walked up claimed them and stole the microphone.  
  
"On this section we have Elysia in her pajama's" He explained. Hawkeye took the microphone away from him and continued as Hughes returned to his table.  
  
"Hughes...You have a wife... What is your laundry doing in there?" Roy asked.  
  
"Well, I figured if Glacier didn't have to do it, she could spend more time raising Elysia. Look at this one, It's Elysia-"  
  
"Hughes, I don't want to know."  
  
"And now we have a pair with...Pink sparkles on it?" Armstrong calmly came up and claimed those.  
  
"A purple loin cloth..." Alphonse Elric walked up, embarrassed and took them. Many people's eyes turned to Edward who seemed a little surprised at this.  
  
"A red set of underwear with Edward's cross on it."   
  
"WHAT THE HELL IS THAT DOING THERE?" Edward exploded. He noticed Al shifting away slowly.  
  
"Al.............."  
  
"Well Nii-san you see, it was dirty and I don't know how to-" However Edward was already on his feet chasing Alphonse right out the door, yelling at him.  
  
"I'M AN ALCHEMIST YOU IDOIT I CAN CLEAN IT MYSELF!"  
  
"An eye patch?" Hawkeye continued confused slightly at this one. The Fuhrer came calmly up to the front, took it and left calmly smiling the whole time. Hawkeye continued distributing various articles of clothes for quite some time and Roy was surprised to see MANY members of the military shamefully claiming their belongings. Until finally-  
  
"Next we have a matching pair of boxers with the words "Mini-skirts forever" on them as well as little pictures of mini-skirts. Please come claim them." Roy stood up nervously and went to get his boxers back with Havoc following close behind.   
  
"I was wondering who the other one belonged to." Roy muttered as Havoc passed him, looking embarrassed. To Roy's dismay, Ed was just returning from chasing Al so he could finish his lunch. Unfortunately he came in time to hear that and fell to the floor laughing histerically. By this time Hawkeye's bag was empty.  
  
"If you haven't had your things returned to you yet they are probably in one of the 4 other loads I have. They will be returned to you at lunch tomorrow." Hawkeye left the room, almost triumphantly. It was the most quiet Roy had ever heard it. No one spoke a word.  
  
"So Hughes," Roy began, "Do you think Glacier could teach us how to do laundry?" 


End file.
